Sorry for not posting much :(

I will change, I promise. Here is a photo I took in Sydney over the weekend.

Black Saturday

6 years ago today, my whole life changed. On 7^th February 2009, my dad lost his house and the love of his life to the Black Saturday bushfires. The years have gotten a little harsher leading up to this day. It was a scorching hot day and I was having some drinks in the city with friends, when I received a phone call saying that bushfires were running rampant around Victorias regional towns and they may strike King Lake (where my dad lived). At the time of the phone call, it didn’t seem like a big risk, as many areas were potential threats. I decided to leave anyways and start making my way to my sisters house (as all roads to King Lake were closed due to fire warnings). Dad had been in contact with us and he said that he and Mark would leave if the warnings rose to emergency status.

By the time I had reached my sisters, the fire was a serious threat to King Lake, we tried to contact my dad, but the phones were completely out of order. I was listening to the ABC emergency radio for quite a few hours and throughout the afternoon they advised that King Lake had been struck by a really vicious bushfire. I think I called the Red Cross about 30 times leading into the night, they were trying to be as helpful as possible, but the whole situation was so chaotic. I stayed up all night listening to the ABC emergency radio and the only news reported was that the King Lake death toll was rising… To be honest, I thought that one of the statistics was going to be my Dad, but I wasn’t about to give up hope completely.

I stayed up all night bearing the brunt of the emotional roller coaster. I received a call from the Red Cross at 7:30am… they said that my dad was alive and he had been taken to a hospital near by. I woke everyone up and we drove straight to the hospital frantically. When we arrived, dad was in shock… all he could say through watery eyes, was ‘Mark is gone, I know that he is dead’, even though it had not been officially confirmed, the love of my Dad’s life was gone. Out of respect to Marks family, I will not divulge any other details regarding his death, but it was a tragedy that could not have been prevented.

Along with the love of his life, Dad lost many of his friends to the fire and he described the experience as walking through the gates of hell. He vows to never return to King Lake.

Black Saturday has been documented as one of the worst natural disasters in Australian history. Many people lost their lives, possessions, pets and loved ones on 7^th February 2009, Spare a thought for them today.

This is the first film I ever pieced together, I was actually the first time I recorded anything on my first camera.

I’m going to try to not stay in bed for the rest of the day.

An ode to the best ones

To date, this is my favourite photograph (out of all I've taken). These guys are supremely talented human beings and just all round rad people for the circle. I hope it lightens up your Monday morning.

I'm releasing a film soon

I just sent my latest film off for music composition. I can't wait for you all to see it! It's been a while in between films, lets just say it has been a life changing year (those that are close know the deal). Thanks to everyone that has supported me this year, I hope I will do you proud over the next twelve months.

For Louis

My friend Louis is burying one of his close homies today. Last week, we recorded/filmed a tribute video (below). My condolences to his friend and his friends loved ones. Please wish Louis all the best for today, death is something you never get used to.

The flower of life

'The oldest sacred symbol known to man. Also the sacred geometric symbol of the pattern of the universe.'

My brother and his girl just returned from overseas and bought me this rad pinky ring.

6 years

Today marks the day of 6 years of marriage to a very special lady. Many years ago she changed my life around for the better and she continues to be my best friend. She is always in my corner and I appreciate everyday I get spend with her (even when she turns in the Tyrannosaurus Rex when a uni assignment is due). Thanks for making me a better man Jodie Hood. I love you heaps!

Congratulations

I've literally been through hell and back with this man. We walked very similar paths and through some of the most challenging situations, he has always remained a true and loyal comrade. Many of us never thought we would reach greener pastures, but today we are still standing. I took this photo a few weeks ago at his baby girls first birthday. Me and the homies are so proud of him. Standing by your close friends through absolutely anything is a real test of character. It's how friends become family.

I love you brother.

Lost in almost

I told my love to risk it all,She grins like we are far from here,
Our eyes catch and we are serenaded by the sound of human breath,
One step closer and our insecurities are dethroned, We kiss to the sounds of our hearts feud, Our hands glide through eachothers skin, until our shivers become oppressive, Our limbs go to places where lust resides, I run circles around her lips, And she runs circles around my mind, The power struggle intertwines, A battle for authority is left to the cunning, A contest for the strategic, She wins, I lose. She rises triumphant, Riding on the pleasures of familiar territory, But complacency is not a game of mine, We are not complete until we reach the edge of time, A place where our minds are euphoric and our bodies are one, I pick up the keys, but I chose not to start the engine, She has lost direction, She grasps to feel connected again, I let off a cheeky grin and she reciprocates, I grip her and she falls to putty, The key turns and we head for the place where our spirits will wed, We drive through the sea, we drive through the sun, With each glimpse of bliss, we drive faster, The scene ignites places she has never been, Living in the subconscious and never wanting to leave, But these moments are short lived, We fall out of the vehicle, Onto the the road of insecurity again.

I did it!

I have a bit of a personal achievement to announce. I have been strictly vegetarian for over year now. I’m not about to get preachy, but from a heavy meat eater to not contributing to the death of anything, I’m pretty proud.

A big shout out to my vegetarian and vegan friends and an even bigger shout out to my meat eating friends who have tried to make my life hell over the past twelve months. I stuck at it and never folded and I’ve decided to keep at it. Yew!

Why I do what I do...

  I regularly get asked the questions such as ‘What kind of things do you film?’ or ‘What are your films about?’ and upon answering, I always struggle to correctly articulate myself. I think it’s because I don’t have a simple answer to any of these questions. I really wish the answer was simple sometimes, but the truth is, every film I create feels different to me. I still feel like I need to fill this neglected void though, so here is my attempt at it.

When I first began filming, I used to look for really interesting people to interview and collaborate with. People that I thought would have an interesting story to tell. But over time I realised that absolutely everybody is interesting, it’s just for the most part we are taught to close up and not let the gems out.

The mystery within each person is what drives me. We all reside in a world full of masks, masks that we have been taught to wear, masks that are built to fit any particular situation. If you choose not to wear these masks, you cannot function in society. These fabricated masks come equipped with rules that lead to a sense of conformity and a deep seeded need for acceptance. This way of living/thinking has always concerned me, because the idea of wearing a ‘social’ mask combats the notion of revealing the beautiful truth about somebody.

And it's that truth that I am always looking for, it interests me, mainly because it is so very rare (and special). On the outset, most people are cool with living their seemingly comfortable little facades, but deep down in the depths of self, people are dying to share their inner secrets with someone that is willing to listen. Unfortunately the few that are willing to listen come equipped with judgemental agendas and it is the judging that everyone is afraid of. I find it humorous to think that people are judged, simply for being themselves, but are excused if they follow a pseudo existence.

I like witnessing the journey towards someone’s inner beauty and I feel that's what my films do. They provide a platform to allow people their own permission to divulge what they would never reveal to their closest companion. I don’t have any preconceived agendas and I never have any idea what will be spoken about before the initial filming takes place, I just know that my films are 100% honest.

The people I collaborate with are all extremely courageous human beings. They break the mould and stare their lifelong fears in the face. It’s scary process, but they all manage to do it. Whenever I complete a film, I always feel proud to know that there are people that are not afraid, even if everything tells them to keep their truths concealed.

Many people have asked how get people to be so candid in each of my interviews/films, and the answer is simple, I just set the scene, ask a question, I then shut up and listen… you should try it.

I urge you to watch my films, not because I’m seeking extra likes or views, those kind of things don’t really drive me. I just want you to really listen to each persons story and think about how important it was for them to tell it.

Mental Sk(illness)

A little while back I found myself spending most of my time writing about and trying to understand this thing they called ‘mental illness’. I would write about my own perspective and perception of others’ experiences. It has always interested me, as this ‘title’ is something that I have to live with and wear each day of my life. Both my parents have been diagnosed with depression, it dates back to my grandparents, even my great grandma willingly crossed over at her own hands. Many of the conversations with my family all illustrate a legacy of sadness that has been passed down through our immediate generations (at least all that I know of). As the chain continues, I’m deeply intrigued to explore my own path in a different way.

It has taken me a long time to learn to drop name stamps like ‘mental illness’, ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’ and all the titles we seem to have to crowd under. We earn these titles from being ‘different’, ‘weird’, ‘crazy’ as the titles keep rolling in, our society is busy being segregated from some of the smartest, loving, inspiring and spiritual people in existence.

The basic truth is… we have built a society based on rules that promote the ideals of sameness. Go to school, get a suitable job, be seen to work hard, make the ‘right’ friends, find a partner that everyone likes (and marry them), have ‘normal’ children, talk about things your peers are comfortable with, dress appropriately, speak appropriately, make money, look beautiful and most importantly be happy! I mean, holy shit, did we set ourselves up to fail or what?

What if our schooling system wasn’t equipped to teach you and tried to condition you into the person you weren’t meant to be? What if you worked for a series of employers (because, you never want to be seen out of work!) that cared so much about themselves and so little about you, but they expect you to bring your A-Game everyday? What if your friends were also lost in the same passages as you? What if you fell in love with more than one of them, because you have a deep understanding of eachother? What if you didn’t marry and had a transgender child to a person that wasn’t your partner? And what if you loved to tell everyone about how proud you are of your child? What if your child dressed they wanted to and you did they same, just because… why should you care? What if you swore all the time, but your messages were pure? What if you didn’t value money? What if you are overweight and wore hurt everyday? Would you be happy? I mean… why not? It’s scary, but unfortunately you all know the ‘right’ answer.

We are taught that we must be ‘happy’, but happiness comes with rules. We are taught that we should only be happy if people agree with our happiness. We are constantly judged, from the moment we step foot outside our front doors, or release any feeling or emotion into a public forum. People have their opinions and they wont let go of them, until you tap into something that connects with them (and most of the time that never happens). If you don’t tap in with that communal connection, you are an outcast and are subject to parade your ‘titles’ as given.

We are also taught that a joyful emotion is the only good one and if we are on the other end of the spectrum, we need professional help. If I’m not happy why can’t I explore the beauty in that? Why is that so wrong? What if you are conditioned to think differently, what is the harm in that? Why is that so dangerous? Isn’t the idea of looking at life from all angles a true education and enlightenment? What if that darkness that we are conditioned to fear, held the truth to ourselves?

In my darkest times, I feel like I’m standing in a long corridor filled with doors that I have been conditioned to keep locked and the door at the end, is the only one I’m allowed to walk through. But what if I imagined what was behind each door first? And what if that imagination was my reality? Then maybe those locks were not there in the first place.

Acceptance and interest in everything is the key to our short existence. Experience as much as you can while you are here.

Drug Addiction

I’ve had a few minor drug issues in my life, all of which I have had garnered the strength to overcome. I was lucky to see a way of resilience after finding myself in a place where I wanted to separate myself from the world. It’s a fine line between facing reality and the easy fall into oblivion. I think that most people do not seek to envision how fine this line really is. I have seen close friends and family, fall into the strangle hold of drug addiction. I watched people die in both a metaphysical and literal sense. My experience has taught me, that drugs are not the problem, it is the constant pressures of conforming to a life of structure and rules. The structure and ruling is not just the laws that govern us, but it is also rules of society, the harshest rulings of all. Some people are OK to live under regulation, but others find it damn near impossible. The truth is we are all built differently, but we live in a world that expects us to all be the same.

I believe that our psychology is built from individual experience, experiences that change our beings daily. Think about the experiences you have had today and all the ways that they could reflect on your subconscious thinking, multiply that by the 365 days of the year, then multiply by the years you have been in existence. This is why I would never compare myself to the next person. I simply, have not walked a day (or lifetime) in their shoes. Many of us find it easy to accept the idea of conforming, but many of us do not. If you feel that you are trapped in a world that does not adapt to your conditioning and you have tried countless times to adapt, then the only logical thing is to escape, especially for a tortured soul. I know that there are alternative modes of escapism, but not all of us are privy to this information.

I have seen way too many people struggle for too long and it is sad to see them fall into desperation. But rather than look down on the tortured, I would rather be compassionate and understanding, that their days on this earth are hard and testing. People say drugs are the easy way out, I think many people see hard days leading into addiction and even harder days making their way out.

Next time you see another human in pain, understand that their experience can never be directly accompanied by thoughts of your own, but their pain is a direct reflection of the world we live in. A little unconditional compassion goes a long way.

Our blood

He used to say 'somewhere here you are apart of me',Although their existence was grim, their devotion was plenty, He laid kisses on her soul, The kind of kisses that make sorrow hearts turn, Hands were drawn as he struck the street, As the world chose to forget, he was her Harlem King, The soldiers solute... While her tears dropped in his honour, And suddenly she was not magnificent, The foreign eyes reminded her that she couldn't feel anymore, Her acquaintances abandoned, but the crystals held her spirit, As she kissed the clouds, he never came, Anxious pictures, kept rolling around like doggerels in her mind, So she pleased the boys and told them that love didn't matter anymore, If they didn't care, then no-one needed to, Her veins split and soaked the blade, Before her eyes shut for the final glimpse of eternity she murmured... 'I wish no-one farewell, I'm coming to see you my brother'

No masks

It has been a really tough time for many of my close ones lately. I’m spending the majority of my time and energy, counselling friends that are seeing some really tough times. Many are struggling with varied life situations, I don’t know if it’s just a weird energy of the moment or just down to sheer chance. Eitherway, it’s been a really therapeutic process for all involved. I don’t really want to air out any personal battles that are not my own and my intention isn’t to write a few motivational words to get you through your day, I know that shit can feel a little condescending. But I’d like to pass on a message that has helped me understand both myself and those around me. Here is goes.

Take the time to learn, educate yourself through darkness and light, they are both one in the same. Know that each of these are important in the journey of self/universal discovery and one without the other perishes the understanding of both sides of the fence. Our pain is not honoured; it is shamed and therefore is hidden within the confines of our social masks and through this, we forget who we are and why all our experiences here share equal importance. We forget to simply exist, before trying to strive for something better and often that something leads us down a path of insecurity, band aid materialism or both. Be gentle and understand that mistakes and achievements have a united standing in the shaping of our character. Perfection only exists in opinion and with a free mind; you are free of internal and external judgements.

I’m not a picture of flawlessness and neither are you. In fact most of what I just wrote, I struggle with on a daily basis, but I know that my life is worth more than my constant afflictions or a couple of pats on the back. Walk the earth with open eyes, but don’t forget to close them sometimes.

Mundi Mundi

I thought I’d break up some of my writing with a bit an experience I had a few weeks ago. I travelled out to the Mundi Mundi desert for a filming trip with my new friends from @peace and an old friend Vinny Tang. I had never been out to the desert before and to be honest I didn’t know what to expect. Before any film trip I try to envision exactly what I endeavour to capture, but 100% of the time it never pans out that way. I always end up getting lost in the art and somehow make it out at the other end. The Mundi Mundi was something else though. The Mundi Mundi is the closest ‘real’ desert to Melbourne and is where they filmed Mad Max II many years ago. There is something about a connection with vast nothingness that frees your mind and almost enables a pin point focus on the finer details. It was honestly one of the best trips I’ve ever been on. I was lucky enough to travel with three very open minded individuals which really enhanced the experience.

I can really appreciate why people thrive living a simple life, surrounded by such an abundance of beauty. If you are a city or suburban dweller, I would highly recommend going out there. I can guarantee that it will put you at peace with things, even if it’s momentary.

A soldiers tale

My comrades in the late hours have no balance,Blood spills with no sense of affliction, Our eyes and ears crushed our sense of purity, Senseless violence caused by anxious hearts, The long hushed walk home made hours seem like years, Our fatigued feet cure the cataract of rejection, We rest strung out on comparable thoughts, With no reciprocity in our kindred spirit, We are trained to stand firm, never let them know you are rotting within, Exposed tears in your demeanour, means you are a bitch, We awake to a new level of bogus sensibility, The same wasted mental production line, It grants us equal admission to roam these comfortless streets, The ignorance keeps us breathing, Our bodies reconcile again, But our thoughts are exiled from the tangible touch, We all stand bold in our delusion of reality, What happened over the past few years falls in remote mindlessness, We succumb to the snakes that feed on our once authentic hearts, Casual chatter idles by like nothingness, Our eyes collide, Our hearts wail for help, Our vision drifts to the cluttered floor, The flood of displeasure detaches from this familiar encounter, We discard who we really are and return to the contentment of continuity, "Pass the weed cuz"

My brothers

Most of my close friends are aware that I don’t associate with the majority of my immediate family; sometimes you have to shake the bad influences in your life even if they are blood bound. This doesn’t mean that I have lived a life without family; it simply means that I’ve had to learn family values in another way… through finding my brothers. I picked up most of my family on the street, a little game where you weed out the good ones through acts of absolute loyalty. This was a very hard task, considering my environment was a breeding ground for snakes. But I think that when you are constantly placed in an abundance of volatile situations, acts of loyalty and character identification shine through like a light in a pit of darkness. This is how I found my lifelong brothers.

My brothers have experienced the inside of prison walls, drug addiction, homelessness, incomprehensible violence, a plethora of death and through all of this, we have all stood by eachother. I guess I didn’t find them through traditional methods, but I feel the bonds built in precarious situations are stronger than a simple likeminded personality connection.

As we all walked similar paths, we were able build an armoured love for eachother. In my moments of angst, they’d drop everything to be there for me, when the world was against me, they’d stand proudly by my side, when it seemed that life wasn’t worth living, they always remind me that we didn’t go through all this hardship for nothing.

Friendship is about good times, honesty and a sense of comradery, but my brand of family is an indescribable bond that is only communicated through energy and gesture. It is the type of thing that builds a modern type of wisdom that is strictly for the moment and stands still in time.

I am proud to say that we all passed the challenges thrown at us, but still bare the scars of the past. I know that our experiences have awarded us a deep understanding for both sides of the fence and all of us are passionate about passing our wisdom on to our next generations.

I’m blessed that through life experience, I earnt the opportunity to have some of the best people around me. My brothers need not be named, they know who they are. I want to thank all of them for making me the man I am today.